OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The air was thick with penises
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
