I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
