I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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