Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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