she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think people are normalizing furries
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
