dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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