I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
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Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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