How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
