Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i came on her dog
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.