Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.