You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
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she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?