I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
