I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
whose parrot is this?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.