My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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