Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So many bounce houses so little time
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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