Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
