Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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