ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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