i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize