Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
