i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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