i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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