So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
