I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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