u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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