Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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