420 ftw
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
