They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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