and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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