im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
