I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
