It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
