We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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