All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
