I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
