ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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