I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
