I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
