operation harelip BJ is a go
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
