when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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