I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
