Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
