i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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