so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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