aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
