I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
