ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
