he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
