is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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