dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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