woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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