I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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