I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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