she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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