Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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