I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
