Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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