He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
