My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
