the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
