you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
