i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
