I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
