google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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