they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
