OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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