Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
