my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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