please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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