it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
